My Heart in the Days Before Nancy

The #1 dream for my entire life: become a mommy. I want to document some of my final thoughts before this dream comes true. I want to remember what was on my heart before I become who I've always known deep, down in my soul that God made me to be: a mommy who raises little disciples. So here is my heart. Raw. A preggo-brain, overjoyed stream of consciousness as we wait for our baby girl...

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I can hardly fathom that I am just days away from my over-20-year-old dream becoming a reality. It's surreal. Mentally, I know our lives are about to change forever; simultaneously, I recognize that I cannot process the magnitude of love and change that will enter our lives (and rock us to the core) at some point this month. I'm going to be a mommy. Mark is going to be a daddy. Parents. Forever. We're starting our family. I know it will be both beautiful and difficult through the years. I know we will learn immensely more about ourselves through our children.

I love the unknowns of these days. Will she come tomorrow? In two weeks? Come late in three weeks? The anticipation of delivery is exhilirating. Mark constantly talks about how he can't wait to meet Nancy. He even had a dream about her birth last night. When leaving for work this morning, he gave me a hug and a kiss and told me he thought she would come early. I'm not convinced she will. I just think she has a daddy who loves her dearly and cannot wait to meet her. These moments of waiting are so sweet and precious. Such treasures.

There are more unknowns I think about too. Will every pregnancy be as joyful and straightforward as this one has been? Does this easy pregnancy mean a hard delivery and/or a difficult baby? How many kids will we wind up having? Will Nancy have brothers? Sisters? Both? Will we adopt like we think we will? I am not anxious to know the answers to any of these questions right now. I just enjoy wandering in my wondering. I rest peacefully knowing that God knows the answer to every one.


Then there's me. Nancy's mommy. She will be with me day in and day out. Who do I want her to see? Foremost, I want her to know how much I love the Lord. I want her to see me reading Scripture, praying, and being intentional about my time with God. I look forward to the days when we can I can equip her with the Word of God. I can't wait to teach her Scripture to the tune of music. And, of course, I want her to see how much I love and adore her daddy. I want her to see me make the best choices for the health and strength of our family. I want her to see me as imperfect as well. I know there will be days when I need her forgiveness. I want to teach her about grace. Over and over again. How we all desperately need it. (And how her name indeed means "grace.") I want to end every day with her in prayer. I want to close her door every night saying, "God loves you, and so do I."


I love the new life we have in Christ, the new life that comes and surrounds us each spring, and the gift of new lives we are given through our children. God's creation and design is absolutely immaculate. Incredible. Incomprehensible. Divine. Glory, glory to Him! Thank you, Jesus, for our first little Houston arrow, Nancy Hope. May we raise her to be Your disciple.