That sounds contradictory, doesn't it?
But if love is an emotion...when an emotion changes, feelings change.
As a result, commitments change. Promises are broken. Vows are pushed aside and forgotten.
If marriage is based on love--and love is an emotion--then maybe that's why so many marriages end.*
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So many people do indeed view love as an emotion.
But how can we fix that thinking? How do we reject it?
How can we love deeper than a fleeting or transient emotion?
In a word: Jesus.
"...it is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God."
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Therefore, let our hearts not be ruled by our own emotions and desires.
Let our hearts be fueled by Christ.
Let our hearts be fueled by Christ.
Let our hearts love because of the way He loves us.
...Not through ourselves, but through Him. His love.
Read more of the context behind the C.S. Lewis quote here:
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| Blessed Southern Tarheel Blog |
We love because He first loved us.
1 John 4:9
P.S. A big thank you to Whitney for posting the C.S. Lewis quote earlier and inspiring me to finally write on this topic that has been churning in my heart for several days! Thank you!!!
*I write these words tenderly and gently. I pray you read them that way. Know that I am not insensitive to divorce or heartbreaking situations, nor do I consider myself an expert on the topic of marriage or love. I am a constant work in progress! Furthermore, as a child of a divorce that happened in my early 20s, I am actually super-sensitive to divorce. I am heartbroken over it--yet, simultaneously--I am inspired by it. Inspired to break the chain. Inspired to live closer to God's Word and His ways. If I have offended you, I am deeply sorry and didn't mean to cause you any harm. I pray that my words are filled with the spirits of gentleness, kindness, and love. You can always email me if you have any questions, concerns, or just want to talk about something on your heart! Thank you for your understanding and grace.
This is EVERYTHING. I wish everyone fully grasped, understood and believed this before marriage! So proud of you for being brave and writing what is on your heart.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, I thought being "in love" was all that mattered, that was all I wanted. Now, I want a love like this! Though I am still single, I'm working on learning what loving God and myself means. I feel once I know these things better, I can better love the one I'm meant for. I love your heart in this post! Very beautifully written!
ReplyDeleteVery well put beautiful lady. Our lives are different from those of our great-great grandparents and beyond because we DO marry for love, not more practical reasons like land acquisition or the merging of certain families. (P.S....got all of that from the book Committed by Liz Gilbert.) Marrying for love is a tricky thing, and what's even worse is society's pressure of "exactly" what love looks like. I'm assuming when you're married for 60 years (or even 6!) that there are times you don't even LIKE your spouse, but you still love them. Society's view of what "in love" or "happy marriage" looks like puts a lot of pressure on people and I'm sure causes a lot of self-doubt.
ReplyDeleteLong story short: Great post, wise words, you're amazing.
Very well put beautiful lady. Our lives are different from those of our great-great grandparents and beyond because we DO marry for love, not more practical reasons like land acquisition or the merging of certain families. (P.S....got all of that from the book Committed by Liz Gilbert.) Marrying for love is a tricky thing, and what's even worse is society's pressure of "exactly" what love looks like. I'm assuming when you're married for 60 years (or even 6!) that there are times you don't even LIKE your spouse, but you still love them. Society's view of what "in love" or "happy marriage" looks like puts a lot of pressure on people and I'm sure causes a lot of self-doubt.
ReplyDeleteLong story short: Great post, wise words, you're amazing.
This. This is all the truth. "In a word: Jesus." Amen to that! I can't wait to find a human companion to love like Jesus loves me & like I try to love Him. How else could we know what love really is without His glorious example!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I both have parents that divorced when we were both young. I totally understand where you are coming from. We decided we would break that cycle in our family. Divorce is not even an option to us!
ReplyDeleteLOVE this truth :) Actually S & I wrote our own vows and in mine I vowed , 'to make a choice to love him more than the day before'. So thankful we were both taught this truth. Much love to you deary! A big hug from England and back!
ReplyDeleteLOVE this truth :) Actually S & I wrote our own vows and in mine I vowed , 'to make a choice to love him more than the day before'. So thankful we were both taught this truth. Much love to you deary! A big hug from England and back!
ReplyDeleteI think that love cannot be emotion when it comes to love ANYONE, including a spouse or the homeless person on the street. Surely God's love for me is not based on emotion (how could it be when I constantly fail him?) If love were based one emotion how could have God ever given up his beloved son so we might know God and righteousness?
ReplyDeleteGood stuff
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This is a tough realization when it happens, but one that must occur for a marriage to last. My husband was previously married, so we too try to stay focused on breaking the chain. Beautifully written, Elise!!! You are such an inspiration!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are wise beyond your years. Great thought for me to meditate on.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful and well written post, sweet friend!! "Let our hearts love because the way HE loves us..." That is so true and so important to remember!!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with everything in this post! That "in love" feeling fades and sometimes love is a choice. It's not always an easy choice to love your spouse. However, it is easier to make that choice when you know God put that person in your life. I think people get too caught up in thinking that love is an emotion and chasing that love feeling. Great post!
ReplyDeleteLove this, as always :) I'm a child of divorce, and I too want to break the cycle. Glad I'm not alone! So hard to watch the break up. I (good/bad/not sure) was in 1st grade, so I don't even know what it was like for my parents to really be together. Feel your pain, sista! xx
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing this. I'm sure it resonates with many people. God IS love, and not just that, but the most important love.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for this reminder, girl!
Love this SO much. Your 'disclaimer' at the end had me nodding in agreement. Child of divorce over here, too...only mine was basically my whole life. It has broken me and inspired me simultaneously. THANK YOU for writing what's on your heart. We need a generation COMMITTED to commitment!!
ReplyDeleteLove this! Great post and reminder! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how much I love love LOVE this!!
ReplyDeletelove love love love love this
ReplyDeleteWOW! This is one of those things that is so hard to comprehend yet vital to our walk! So well written, Love! It also reminds me of a series I was listening too last week....I wrote down the quote "Faith isn't a feeling." Not quite the same..but kinda. Feelings and Emotions are so fleeting and unstable...not to mention revolving ---UNLIKE our God! Such great stuff to meditate on!! Thanks for always being encouraging!
ReplyDeleteSuch truth in this! Plus I adore CS Lewis :)
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